A manufacturer of playing cards, Nintendo, has just announced a revolutionary new entertainment system. They're calling it the "NES Classic Edition" and for $59.99 (USD) you and your friends will be able to play 30 classic titles from a bygone era.

This electronic device fits in the palm of your hand and includes an HDMI port for easy connecting to your highfalutin definition picture boxes. It even comes with one control unit that looks like something only those in their 30's would recognize! Additional "controllers" will go for $9.99 though those that already own a "Classic Controller" or "Classic Controller Pro" from the Wii U or Wii can just use those too.

You want more than 30 of these interactive plays? Too bad, sonny! This won't play little plastic cartridges filled with dark magic. They also say that this little sucker has no way of being updated with new content from the series of tubes, just as the gaming Gods intended back in the day! You're going to take these 30 games and you're going to like it!
  • Balloon Fight
  • Bubble Bobble
  • Castlevania
  • Castlevania II: Simon's Quest
  • Donkey Kong
  • Donkey Kong Jr.
  • Double Dragon II: The Revenge
  • Dr. Mario
  • Excitebike
  • Final Fantasy
  • Galaga
  • Ghosts N' Goblins
  • Gradius
  • Ice Climber
  • Kid Icarus
  • Kirby's Adventure
  • Mario Bros.
  • Mega Man 2
  • Metroid
  • Ninja Gaiden
  • Pac-Man
  • Punch-Out!! Featuring Mr. Dream
  • StarTropics
  • Super C
  • Super Mario Bros.
  • Super Mario Bros. 2
  • Super Mario Bros. 3
  • Tecmo Bowl
  • The Legend of Zelda
  • Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

This little sucker will be released on November 11. Some say it will revolutionize entertainment for generations to come. I scoff at such silly notions.