article: newbie's guide to pub cs

[CSN NewsBot]

Feel like taking your first plunge into the scary world that is Counter-Strike? Not sure if you have what it takes to secure your place amongst the cream of the crop? Fret not young one, -:Nighthawk:- has been hard at work piecing together his Newbie's Guide to Pub CS.

If you've played CS more than once or twice, you assuredly know about the 1-hit-kill ability of the AWP sniper rifle. If you can afford it, this is your best weapon for the unconventional positioning tactic. Find your spot, crouch down, and wait. Sniping is used by the most elite special forces teams in the world, so you should use it too. If you can't afford a sniper rifle, find a smaller spot to camp in, and use a submachinegun to kill at close range.

Camping? AWP whoring? As you may have guessed from the above blurb, this isn't your typical guide by any stretch of the imagination! So get to reading, and soon enough you'll be up there with the rest of the kings and drama queens of Counter-Strike!

[Some_God]

Funny article but I hope this is only taken as a joke.

[Bust@Nut]

OMG. All the newbies will be getting banned for team flashing and spawn camping. LOL. Excellent Guide!!

[GC Hatch3t m4n]

Arguably the best guide ever made for Counter-Strike.

[kerosine99]

Great article Nighthawk.



Loved the Custer joke.

[Betamax]

ahaha sadly this is how people on pubs play.

[animal sex]

If they're near a doorway, try wedging yourself behind them so that they realize retreat is not an option.

hahaha

[Cheesy Goodness]

Is this supposed to be a helpful article? I can't help but feel that you seem to be mocking the reader the whole time. Some of these tatics are also questionable. If a newbie does read this, it does contain some useful information, but not much.

[Helkite]

Mmmmm GJ Nighthawk!

[Rixxx]

OMG nighthawk stole my playbook and blogged it! DIE NIGHTHAWK.

[FlyingMongoose]

The majority of things in this article would get you kicked/slayed in the pub I administer.

[ma_cherie]

FlyingMongoose wrote..

The majority of things in this article would get you kicked/slayed in the pub I administer.

Welcome to Sarcasmville, we hope you enjoy your stay.



I mean, really, two people took this thing seriously? Oh yes, damn you Nighthawk for attempting to ruin every pub! You shant get mine, for I am the great UBER SUPER ADMINISTER OF THIS PUB! Jesus fuck, give it a break, and get a sense of humor.



Awesome job Nighthawk, now write one on how to be the great UBER SUPER ADMINISTER OF THIS PUB!

[le gritche]

FTA:

Real CTs don't play with knives. Real CTs shoot for the head.

I will correct that as I don't want beginners to follow your bad advice : every true CS player knows that real CTs shoot for the groin



Hence you should call a cheater every player having 2 consecutive headshots. It's common knowledge that such a thing is unpossible without cheating.



-:Nighthawk:- you also forget the proud factor. It's right that the most important thing is to be at the top of the score board.

But you also have to put your tag on every dead body so that every roaming enemy will be scared when they see bodies of their teammates with your signature. They should know who the r3aL b0ss is.



You can even mix the two by shooting in the groin dead bodies or by tagging alive ennemies.



I laughed a lot until I read "SECTION FOUR: Safe maneuvering", because even experienced players do that. On dust or dust2 and especially on prodigy, some of them can't help but rush one way when the opposing team had been rushing the other way for the last 10 rounds.

They reach the ennemy spawn just in time to hear that the bomb has been planted, then they end up camping there for the remaining time like the useless asses they are.

[machinehead616]

Dude, you completely forgot that anyone who's doing better than you is obviously a h4x0r. Oh, and be sure to blast your Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys over your mic, everyone in CS loves that.

[ukHazard]

Nighthawk, were you shooting for deadpan, or just unfunny?