SA's Guide: "Mastering Battlefield 2" lol

[BiG_F0X]

:laugh:

Randomly Bail Out of Aircraft and Vehicles With No Warning! - As a driver or pilot, it's your job to simply get from point A to point B, wherever those two places may exist in your amazing screwed up brain. You have no responsibility to inform anybody else when you're about to leave! I mean, you didn't ask them to enter your vehicle, unless of course you did, in which case you were just joking. Bailing out of a full transport helicopter without letting anybody know in advance is often a fun and exciting way to "spice up" any game. Try to aim your chopper in the direction of a mountain or an ocean before you jump out, just to ensure you don't accidentally hit something of importance, like a mother nursing her baby or a friendly elf.

They're funny cause they're true. lol

[BiG_F0X]

Step On Land Mines! - When driving a jeep at the fastest possible speed, you may notice a big red skull and crossbones icon appearing on the right of your screen. This means that a witch is chasing you and you've got to get out of there as soon as possible or else she'll throw her level 34 skeleton at you! Look for a small, round, black teleporter which will magically whisk you away to a beautiful new location, usually about 40 meters straight up. If one of your teammates decides to kill you while traveling there, be sure to punish them, because it's not your goddamn fault a witch was chasing you and you tried to escape. War is hell, soldier!

DIdn't want to double post, but this was just too damn funny

[shamen]

Then drive the vehicle straight into a large body of water or off a cliff while honking the horn like a retarded burn victim

help i cant breath.

[CodyMac]

That article was pure genius. My wife was like, "wth are you laughing at?"

[shadowsoldier]

I Spilled My Juicy Juice!!!!!!

Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuicyyy Juiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiceeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

[Wranger4400]

That looks like it was thrown together in an evening dude.

[Waste Land]

Best one

Always Punish Team Kills! - This is the primary goal of Battlefield 2; to punish your teammates as much as possible and as frequently as possible! Unleash your unbridled nerd rage to lash out upon all that surround you, taking out years of aggression on digital representations of those who beat you up in junior high school and forced you to drink roofing tar. Did a teammate somehow kill you after your character ran directly in front of his jeep, giving him absolutely no chance to stop or avoid you? Punish them! Did you decide to hold a breakdancing jamboree on top of a minefield, one where you're the guest of honor? Make them pay! You're untouchable online, and every punishment for a team kill gets you one step closer to defeating the ghosts of Billy Reynolds, the football player who caught and made fun of you in the locker room for masturbating to an erotic drawing of Garfield. Be sure to always punish for team kills if you play on the American side, as our country is known far and wide for its citizens blaming others for their own unbridled idiocy.

[BiG_F0X]

That looks like it was thrown together in an evening dude.

even if it was, its f***in hilarious! :laugh:

[imported_Fig]

its a great article, very funny... but its sad the amount of times that i run into dumbshits like he describes...

[Jaxx]

Funny stuff

[Cadde]

Why are you laughing so mutch?

War is'nt fun, it's serious stuff!
Obey theese tips and you will soon become the number one player on the ranking along with the personal satisfaction you get that every other player miss out.

People will stop playing BF2 because you own so mutch, you own everything and EA Games will probably hire you to develop their next game.
It has happened before! And if i recall properly Dice are one of the best squads in the world and this new document is probably their new bible!
And they got to develop BF2 and now they make alot of money just for beeing so good at what that tips and tricks document describe.

Now i am worried that Dice may launch a lawsuit against the writer because he is giving away their company secret and EA games will back them up just for fun. They never miss a chance to step on the small people in this world right?


Back to reality, it's some really true and fun stuff there!

//Cadde

[hbandsc]

Did you decide to hold a breakdancing jamboree on top of a minefield, one where you're the guest of honor? Make them pay! You're untouchable online, and every punishment for a team kill gets you one step closer to defeating the ghosts of Billy Reynolds, the football player who caught and made fun of you in the locker room for masturbating to an erotic drawing of Garfield.

This made me laugh hard! It's been a while since an article made me laugh so hard! :laugh:

Classic!

[BurnTheWeed]

Constantly Vote to Change the Map to "Strike at Karkand" - This is singlehandedly the greatest map in the history of anything. The game developers should've released Battlefield 2 with only this map, and named the game "Battlefield Karkand." There's absolutely no reason to play any other map, unless of course you have some brain disorder which prevents you from making well informed decisions. Strike at Karkand has everything; tanks, buildings, jeeps, trash dumpsters, and a train. A GODDAMN TRAIN!!! Plus there are plenty of rooftops for snipers to climb and perch on for countless hours, until mom gets home and starts complaining about the bathroom being on fire.

lol, had this happen a lot lately. I don't even think it's that great a map but everyone else just loves it. *shrugs*

[=[AOD]=Ken]

Yeah, it was very funny…. :laugh:

I obviously don’t agree 100%, but well done….

[Evil_Snowman40]

Good God thats funny stuff! :laugh: You should get the pulitzer for that! It was so funny I even forgive you for all the sniper digs.