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    ok i was bored so i started this story its kinda furutistic so it would probobly be better in teh 2142 forums but i like 2 betters so its going to be here.
    ignore spelling and that kind of stuff this is just a rough draft so tell me if you like the idea you might recognize some of the names but those are temporary if you like it ill have chapter 2 up soon.

    It’s the year 2300. Humans have inhabited Mars for over 200 years. The planet quickly prospered and grew to be much like earth. It was quickly inhabited by over 2 billion people just 100 years after it was first settled. The earth and mars both consolidated and formed two massive countries. The Earth defense force and the New Eastern empire with mainly Eastern countries such as Russia, China Japan and India the Earth defense force was created mainly with the U.S, U.K, France and Germany. Both these nations have completely different governments and ideologies which as expected created some tension between the two. This all climaxed in the Deep space incident where an ambassador from Earth was being escorted to Mars with a couple of fighters. Half way too Mars they were jumped by a Martian Galactic Cruiser and its compliment of fighters. There where no survivors.
    The President of Earth asked congress for a declaration of war and it was quickly granted. And that’s where I come in. I am sergeant Cody. I lead a squad of 6 Delta force commandos. We are the best trained troops in the galaxy. We are currently on our way to mars on a medium assault ship and are currently receiving our current briefing.
    The room smelled like spent gun powder. It was dimly lit and had crates of grenades ammunition and heavy weapons. The four troopers where standing around a screen with the blueprints for a Martian Galactic Cruiser. A man with the rank of captain spoke up “soldiers your mission is to infiltrate the GC vengeance and apprehend the highest ranking Admiral in the New Eastern Empire military and the orchestrator of the deep space incident. We are going to dock with it on its port side near the mess deck so they should be unarmed and not suspecting it. Your rifles are a newer version of the
    XM-308 so they have a stun feature try to use that as much as possible to take POWs to interrogate them. You main mission is of course the admiral take him alive at all cost and immediately call for pick up. He should be at the bridge so make sure your armor suits are sealed cause we are going to blow a hole causing catastrophic decompression so we can dock and take you aboard and EVAC to a allied cruiser that will be about 5 clicks away. Any questions”. PVT Ordo the new guy in the squad raised his hand “ Sir will we have any other heavy weapons or just the basic assault rifles.” Captain said “ you will be issued any thing you need. This mission is of the up most importance and we will spare no expense making sure you have every thing you need to complete it. So suit up and grab every piece of gear you need we are going in hot in twenty minutes”. I ordered the weapons specialist Corporal Bly to grab a pack of breach charges and some Flash Bangs and issue them out to the rest of the men to make sure not only one person was carrying necessary equipment.
    We ran through our Gear once more as we approached the ship making sure the ammunition, charges and grenades where fastened to my suit tightly. The last thing you want is for explosives to come loose in the middle of an insertion. As we sat in the dark room waiting for the order to launch could hear each other praying and cursing over the communication system. We could also hear the massive explosions coming from the assault ships weapons impacting the surface of the cruiser. Great I thought now they’re gunna know we are coming. The order came out one minute. “make sure your on the helmets own comm. system so you can hear your orders. And don’t be a hero I want every one coming out of here alive. The thirty seconds command came over the loud speaker. “Stand By” the intercom said. Every one stood up made one finale check with gear and got the order “GO GO GO”. we all rushed through the hole in the floor falling in too the floor on a hall way. It was eerily quite. I could hear my men falling in behind me taking up they’re positions. “so this is it” PVT Tyto the gunner said “they hype us up for this mission and this is what we get”. I chuckled he is always the gung ho guy and then that’s when it all started.
    The fire came from behind us. It started with small arms then the ships defense turrets joined in. We quickly threw EMP grenades and disabled the turrets but the fire was still coming from behind us. PVT Tyto gave covering fire and we threw a smoke grenade to cover our movement. The fire let up and we moved down the corridor. The communications man and vehicle expert Corporal Gree, but we all just called him sicko cause of a stunt he pulled in training with a light transport, came over the radio “hey sarge you think next time we can get the pilot a map of the ship maybe then they could insert us in the right spot”. “CAN IT sicko its too late to fix now” I said “just put up as much lead as possible so we can get out of here ASAP”. We made a fighting retreat and came to a heavy ship to ship turret that must have been hit in the way in cause it was a burning chard of metal and armor. We searched the twisted hunk of metal for any thing we could use but nothing.
    We moved on and found the armory by this time the ships crew was throwing every thing they had at us. Men, weapons, machines it started irritating the rest of the men. We got in the armory and searched for anything of use and we found it. “Bly” I called over “grab that MK-2 rocket launcher and see what you can do”. Bly responded quickly “yes sir it will be my pleasure” he picked it up and synced it sights with his H.U.D. We stepped out the door and gave him covering fire. He took a knee right out side the door and launched. He took out a few of the men but more importantly made some of the piping and bulkheads collapse keeping them from being able to reach us. “great shot that’ll keep them busy for a while now before they find a way through” I said, “ But sarge” Bly said “can I keep the launcher.” “no unless you want to carry it on your back for the rest of the mission” “no thanks sarge I’d rather just leave it here” Bly responded.
    For about half and hour we hastily moved from room to room making sure they where clear. We approached a room with massive blast doors. “ok boys this is it. I got left Tyto get right, Bly I want you to cover us from the door, and sicko you come up the middle set the rifles on stun. When we go in throw in Flash Bangs to blind em and go as quickly as possible because once we go threw this door the entire crew is going to convey on this location to try to stop us. Every one got it”. “YES SERGEANT” they cried out in unison. “ok put the charges on the door and make sure there’s enough to get us in.”
    The doors blew open the men performed flawlessly sicko was able to stun the admiral and cuff him. We cleared the rest of the room and took up holding positions waiting for a counter attack. “sarge you’d think they would have this guy more heavily defended. After all he is the leader of they’re navy” Tyto said. “be happy that he wasn’t this could have gone a lot worse. And remember this is just our first combat in a war that is going to be long and bloody. Now sicko bring up the Assault ship on the comm. System”. “roger” sicko quickly replied “boss he said ETA 20 minutes and be ready for some fire works”. As he said that enemy troops came rushing threw the door. “Tell him we don’t have twenty minutes” I snapped back. They are counter attacking and we will be lucky if we get fifteen minutes. I could hear the crack of the bullets flying and hitting all around me. “Bly give me some covering fire” I cried out. “Roger” he responded. I stood up and threw a frag. And the fire died down. “nice throw boss” Bly cried out. “Give them all you got we wont need this once the ship arrives”. “got it boss” Tyto and sicko responded. The battle went on for thirty more minutes. When finally an explosion from behind us. “LOCK DOWN YOUR SUITS” I Ordered. “Pilot your late”. “Be happy I got here at all it’s a nightmare out there I guess they sent out a distress signal and a whole mess of fighters got here”. “well men pile on” I said. Each men covered the others retreat to the ship with the Admiral.” As soon as we got on the doors slammed shut and undocked from the cruiser. As soon as we got 100 meters from the ship the gunners started going crazy. “they are coming from every where I don’t think we are going to make it”. Just then Three F-190s streaked by and radioed “oh yea the cavalry is here”. They covered the assault ship as we made it back to the Capital ship. It flew in to the hanger and the MP’s came and took the admiral off our hands just as he began to regain consciousness. The captain came along as we where pealing off our armor and said “well done squad. You did an outstanding service today but get a good nights rest we have another mission waiting for you.”

  • #2
    Re: your opinion

    i didnt really read it but nice work on how much u wrote

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: your opinion

      thanks lol

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: your opinion

        Sounded so cheesy, hehe. It sounded like Star Wars... Sgt. Cody? That's from Star Wars, for sure. Apparently Tyto is too, oh, and Sicko too. People in 2300 still use flash bangs and smoke grenades?!

        I'm kinda confused on this part:
        The earth and mars both consolidated and formed two massive countries. The Earth defense force and the New Eastern empire with mainly Eastern countries such as Russia, China Japan and India the Earth defense force was created mainly with the U.S, U.K, France and Germany. Both these nations have completely different governments and ideologies which as expected created some tension between the two.
        Wait, so Earth and Mars formed into countries? Not separate planets with continents and countries within those continents? So the Earth Defense Force, EDF, live on Earth? And the New Eastern Empire, NEE, live on Mars? Or, do all the countries you listed still live on Earth and Mars is still a colonial planet?

        The President of Earth asked congress for a declaration of war and it was quickly granted. And that’s where I come in. I am sergeant Cody. I lead a squad of 6 Delta force commandos. We are the best trained troops in the galaxy. We are currently on our way to mars on a medium assault ship and are currently receiving our current briefing.
        Why did the President of Earth declare war? And to whom did he declare war to? Were the Martian Galactic Cruisers part of the New Eastern Empire? Or did he just assume they were and just declared war on some other faction anyway? Sorry for the questions and comments, I feel like an english teacher here

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: your opinion

          Originally posted by abes16 View Post
          i didnt really read it but nice work on how much u wrote

          +1 :laugh:

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: your opinion

            Originally posted by youm0nt View Post
            Sounded so cheesy, hehe. It sounded like Star Wars... Sgt. Cody? That's from Star Wars, for sure. Apparently Tyto is too, oh, and Sicko too. People in 2300 still use flash bangs and smoke grenades?!

            I'm kinda confused on this part:

            Wait, so Earth and Mars formed into countries? Not separate planets with continents and countries within those continents? So the Earth Defense Force, EDF, live on Earth? And the New Eastern Empire, NEE, live on Mars? Or, do all the countries you listed still live on Earth and Mars is still a colonial planet?


            Why did the President of Earth declare war? And to whom did he declare war to? Were the Martian Galactic Cruisers part of the New Eastern Empire? Or did he just assume they were and just declared war on some other faction anyway? Sorry for the questions and comments, I feel like an english teacher here
            yea i know about the names i stated that in the very first part before the story cause this is a rough daft to see how good it is. the earth and martians created 2 seperate countries the cruiser is part of the new eastern empire (thinking of renaming both of those. soldier names will definatly change if i make more). president of earth declared war cause an embassador was killed on his way to mars.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: your opinion

              i read most of it, but i decided to put in my comments before i forgot them...

              very good overall, some repetativness, and rather impractical dialougue.
              example: bly responds hed rather leave the rocket launcher, i think that segment would be improved by something like: bly gave a disapointed grunt, and drop the heavy weapon.

              or something like that.

              and when ur explaining grees nickname, 'sicko', you should either leave it out, explain the incident in more detail

              id like to recomend a book that may help you in telling this story of yours.

              Grimmer than Hell, by David Drake should prove helpful, and even fairly similar to your story so far.

              hope this helps, and keep up the good work!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: your opinion

                k i got good review mostly. so im gunna clean it up change some stuff and post one with a new title so more ppl actually look at it. and give me some suggestions for new names for the Earth country and Mars country as well as the men any and all suggestions appriciated

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