Destructoid has released their Ten Golden Rules of videogame piracy. It aims to mock those who justify piracy with backwards logic. Here is what they came up with:
To view numbers 4-10 check out the full list here.
Why should a lack of funds, however, act as a barrier to your enjoyment of things? Why suffer the pain of unfulfilled desire when you can just take what you want? That's right, I'm talking about piracy. It's okay, we're all friends here, nobody's going to judge you. Take my hand, I've got a revelation for you.
1. You're going to buy it later:
First and foremost, even though you just got a videogame for free, you are definitely going to needlessly spend money later and buy it. Everybody else just pirates and leaves it at that, but you are a very special person that thieves a game just to see if it's worth spending money on. Once this is deduced, you will get rid of the game you have and then spend money to have it again. See? Not all pirates are bad. You are one of the good pirates who merely tries before they buy. Sometimes you go into the grocery store and take a few slices of bread home with you, to help you decide if it's worth going back later to buy the whole loaf.
2. You're not going to buy it anyway:
Remember what we just said about you definitely buying the game? Well ignore everything to do with that, because you were never going to buy the game. This is a great way to justify your piracy, because it makes what you do 100% innocent. The basic reasoning for game theft is that you were never going to spend the money on it anyway, so technically the publisher of said game hasn't lost a sale. Logic prevails, and you now have a game that the publisher is perfectly fine with you owning.
It's a logic that has saved many a man from the chopping block. Mike Tyson, for example, was never going to ask Desiree Washington if he could have sex with her, so technically he didn't rape her. He was instantly welcomed back into society for his wanton act of innocence.
3. Act like a righteous freedom fighter:
The information wants to be free! You are a great liberator, saving the world from fascist copyright protection and bringing us one step closer to a perfect society. As a videogame pirate, you must always maintain that you are some sort of hero, and do it as obnoxiously as possible, to ensure that the people flock to your cause.
Self-styled social heroes are the most popular people on the Internet, especially when they use such heroism to defend illegal activities. After all, Electronic Arts is an evil faceless mega corporation, which means you are allowed to steal that indie game that costs five bucks.
4. DRM made you do it
5. The R4 is for homebrew
6. Same goes for custom firmware
7. Going to the store is too much effort
8. Piracy is good for the games industry
9. Games are so expensive
10. Never tell the truth ...
1. You're going to buy it later:
First and foremost, even though you just got a videogame for free, you are definitely going to needlessly spend money later and buy it. Everybody else just pirates and leaves it at that, but you are a very special person that thieves a game just to see if it's worth spending money on. Once this is deduced, you will get rid of the game you have and then spend money to have it again. See? Not all pirates are bad. You are one of the good pirates who merely tries before they buy. Sometimes you go into the grocery store and take a few slices of bread home with you, to help you decide if it's worth going back later to buy the whole loaf.
2. You're not going to buy it anyway:
Remember what we just said about you definitely buying the game? Well ignore everything to do with that, because you were never going to buy the game. This is a great way to justify your piracy, because it makes what you do 100% innocent. The basic reasoning for game theft is that you were never going to spend the money on it anyway, so technically the publisher of said game hasn't lost a sale. Logic prevails, and you now have a game that the publisher is perfectly fine with you owning.
It's a logic that has saved many a man from the chopping block. Mike Tyson, for example, was never going to ask Desiree Washington if he could have sex with her, so technically he didn't rape her. He was instantly welcomed back into society for his wanton act of innocence.
3. Act like a righteous freedom fighter:
The information wants to be free! You are a great liberator, saving the world from fascist copyright protection and bringing us one step closer to a perfect society. As a videogame pirate, you must always maintain that you are some sort of hero, and do it as obnoxiously as possible, to ensure that the people flock to your cause.
Self-styled social heroes are the most popular people on the Internet, especially when they use such heroism to defend illegal activities. After all, Electronic Arts is an evil faceless mega corporation, which means you are allowed to steal that indie game that costs five bucks.
4. DRM made you do it
5. The R4 is for homebrew
6. Same goes for custom firmware
7. Going to the store is too much effort
8. Piracy is good for the games industry
9. Games are so expensive
10. Never tell the truth ...
To view numbers 4-10 check out the full list here.
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