This just in! Details of patch 1.3 have just surfaced!!!
Instead of nasty, potentially deadly bullets coming from guns,
flowers will now spray out of the ends of the barrels.
Tanks and other ground vehicles will have the wheels removed so
they can not move around and potentially run over another player.
Armor plating will be adjusted and will now be made of
cardboard.
Knives will be adjusted for safety and will have protective tips
on them so no one loses an eye.
Hand-to-hand combat will now be replaced by "breakdance fighting" you know, like in Zoolander.
Running with scissors will now be disabled.
The UAV drone will be replaced with a noisy Cox Airplane (string
control model) The Commander will operate this and will have
realistic, dizziness and simulated vomitting after a few
minutes.
Humvee armor will be adjusted for realism. The sheetmetal
thickness has been reduced from 20 ga. to 28 ga.
TV Guided weapons will now be able to pick up selected Cable TV
news channels that oppose warfare of any kind.
Bunny hopping will still be disabled, but moon-walking will be a
new feature in this patch. Along with this, a new ribbon will be
added for "stylishness".
French troops will be added to the line up. Commanders will now
have the option to "surrender" before the game starts.
A new class of player, the "anti-war advocate", will
bring a new level of reality to the game. This character, with a
remarkable resemblance to Cindy Sheehan, will camp out
tirelessly by spawnpoints and will cause troops to find new
routes to the battle, as her body odor will cause health damage
to players if they stumble to close to her.
AND FINALLY!!
Mages, trolls, warlocks, and dragons will be added due to
popular demand!! Woot!!! I can't wait!!!
Instead of nasty, potentially deadly bullets coming from guns,
flowers will now spray out of the ends of the barrels.
Tanks and other ground vehicles will have the wheels removed so
they can not move around and potentially run over another player.
Armor plating will be adjusted and will now be made of
cardboard.
Knives will be adjusted for safety and will have protective tips
on them so no one loses an eye.
Hand-to-hand combat will now be replaced by "breakdance fighting" you know, like in Zoolander.
Running with scissors will now be disabled.
The UAV drone will be replaced with a noisy Cox Airplane (string
control model) The Commander will operate this and will have
realistic, dizziness and simulated vomitting after a few
minutes.
Humvee armor will be adjusted for realism. The sheetmetal
thickness has been reduced from 20 ga. to 28 ga.
TV Guided weapons will now be able to pick up selected Cable TV
news channels that oppose warfare of any kind.
Bunny hopping will still be disabled, but moon-walking will be a
new feature in this patch. Along with this, a new ribbon will be
added for "stylishness".
French troops will be added to the line up. Commanders will now
have the option to "surrender" before the game starts.
A new class of player, the "anti-war advocate", will
bring a new level of reality to the game. This character, with a
remarkable resemblance to Cindy Sheehan, will camp out
tirelessly by spawnpoints and will cause troops to find new
routes to the battle, as her body odor will cause health damage
to players if they stumble to close to her.
AND FINALLY!!
Mages, trolls, warlocks, and dragons will be added due to
popular demand!! Woot!!! I can't wait!!!
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