Respawn Times: It takes too damn short to respawn. I mean, you die, you count to 15 slowly, and BANG! You have full health, full ammo, and can spawn in preset spots on the map. Ready for action. It took Jesus 3 days to respawn, and yet it takes the BF2 player only 15 seconds. Where is the justice?
Engineer Wrenches: They don't do enough. I mean, all they can do is repair stuff and remove enemy mines/claymores. What am I going to do if a tank comes along and I'm out of mines? What do I do if I see a soldier but am out of ammo? I should be able to disable a tank by disassembling it. First I could remove the wheels from the treads to render it immobile. Then I can remove the gun from the top making the gunner position useless. Then I can start removing the turret. Oh, and I want to be able to hit with the wrench. If someone is in front of me and I have the wrench out, I'm not just going to look at them, I'm going to hit them with everything I've got, the wrench being part of that. Hell, to balance the game, I want to be able to THROW the wrench.
Sniper's Claymores: Needs to be changed. Right now when you put one down, it's a guaranteed -6 points from a punished teamkill. When I place a claymore, I want it to float up, and go find people to kill. It should only explode on groups of 3 or more enemies. If it sights a friendly crowd, it should travel twice as fast, to stimulate the faulty machinery in war. Also, keep the strength of the claymore as it is now. It should be completely invulnerable, and C4, Tank Shots, and other powerful weapons should do absolutely nothing to it.
C4: Needs to be made more realistic. When you plant C4, all you really do is 'throw' it out and watch it attach itself to whatever's in front of you. Hitting the switch then blows up all thrown C4. How come the C4 you still have in your belt doesn't blow up as well when the trigger is clicked? When I click the trigger, I want ALL my C4 to blow up, regardless of its current location. Also, I want the C4 to be able to stick to people. If it can stick to tanks and flagpoles, I don't see why it can't stick to people.
Weapon Aiming Limitations: Needs to be changed. If I am Assault and am tired of living, I most likely don't want to die quitely by hitting 'Suicide'. Also, running into a crowd of enemies without shooting makes me look like an idiot. I want to be able to aim STRAIGHT UP. I want to be able to take my grenade launcher, shoot a grenade up, and have it land right down on me.
Server Browser Is too powerful. I don't like the ability to search for games. It distracts you from the otherwise helpless browser. Make it so that you can only search by a single letter, and it will randomly select a server that starts with that letter, and makes you join it. That way there will be less empty servers, as everyone gets even distribution.
Unlocks Need to be changed. Since it takes you hours upon hours of nonstop gaming to gain a rank and a new unlock, the unlocks should be worth it. All unlocks should be able to kill within 1 or 2 hits, and be able to hit right on target. No more of this deviation ********. I worked hard to unlock this gun, let me enjoy it.
Commanders Need to have a reason to hide. When a commander is in the commander screen, I want his actual character to run around in circles shooting at the sky and screaming bloody murder. This adds new strategy to the commander role, as you will now have to think twice about where you hide.
Battlefield Recorder Is too powerful. If server admins can't control game speed, why can you? It should only be able to be played at one speed, and you should not be able to rotate the camera or have any of this 'lock on to players' crap.
Planes Are too fast. Stingers can't catch up to them fast enough, and they go from one side of the map to the other in seconds. They need to be slowed down in order to balance the game and allow other people a fair chance at taking them down.
Emoticons Need to be added to BF2. When I chat, I want people to understand how I'm feeling. A colon followed by a closed parenthases does not carry the same effect as something like :). Oh, and lot's not even go into ":cry::cry::cry: he stole my chopper! :cry::cry::cry:"
Thirst Should be eliminated. We are in the 21st century people, where is all the new technology? I mean, when you're playing, you get tired. Not only that, but you also get thirsty. I want to be able to open the menu, and have a nice fresh botte of Mountain Dew delivered to my doorstep. Or e-mailed to me, if they can finally figure that out.
Advertisements Need to be added. I'm sure that if EA made some extra revenue, they'd start thinking about giving us some good patches. I don't mind it if the flags were changed to random food logos, or the "Medic" sound was changed to "McDonalds! We love to see you smile." Hey, whatever's better for EA, right?
Sniper's Camouflage should be upgraded. You can easily notice their ghillie, and it doesn't hide them at all. When in prone, snipers should be completely invisible. This would enable them to hide and snipe from a distance, like snipers should. Plus, having knife fights among snipers would be THAT much more fun.
For those who didn't figure it out, this post is entirely sarcastic. Of course I do not mean any of the above suggestions, nor do I want to see them implemented. However, knowing the average poster, most of you guys will only read the first few lines to a paragraph, and then make a post that will be like 'omg, you suck' or 'if you hate bf2, stop playing'. We can then all laugh at you for not reading until the end.
~Salad
Engineer Wrenches: They don't do enough. I mean, all they can do is repair stuff and remove enemy mines/claymores. What am I going to do if a tank comes along and I'm out of mines? What do I do if I see a soldier but am out of ammo? I should be able to disable a tank by disassembling it. First I could remove the wheels from the treads to render it immobile. Then I can remove the gun from the top making the gunner position useless. Then I can start removing the turret. Oh, and I want to be able to hit with the wrench. If someone is in front of me and I have the wrench out, I'm not just going to look at them, I'm going to hit them with everything I've got, the wrench being part of that. Hell, to balance the game, I want to be able to THROW the wrench.
Sniper's Claymores: Needs to be changed. Right now when you put one down, it's a guaranteed -6 points from a punished teamkill. When I place a claymore, I want it to float up, and go find people to kill. It should only explode on groups of 3 or more enemies. If it sights a friendly crowd, it should travel twice as fast, to stimulate the faulty machinery in war. Also, keep the strength of the claymore as it is now. It should be completely invulnerable, and C4, Tank Shots, and other powerful weapons should do absolutely nothing to it.
C4: Needs to be made more realistic. When you plant C4, all you really do is 'throw' it out and watch it attach itself to whatever's in front of you. Hitting the switch then blows up all thrown C4. How come the C4 you still have in your belt doesn't blow up as well when the trigger is clicked? When I click the trigger, I want ALL my C4 to blow up, regardless of its current location. Also, I want the C4 to be able to stick to people. If it can stick to tanks and flagpoles, I don't see why it can't stick to people.
Weapon Aiming Limitations: Needs to be changed. If I am Assault and am tired of living, I most likely don't want to die quitely by hitting 'Suicide'. Also, running into a crowd of enemies without shooting makes me look like an idiot. I want to be able to aim STRAIGHT UP. I want to be able to take my grenade launcher, shoot a grenade up, and have it land right down on me.
Server Browser Is too powerful. I don't like the ability to search for games. It distracts you from the otherwise helpless browser. Make it so that you can only search by a single letter, and it will randomly select a server that starts with that letter, and makes you join it. That way there will be less empty servers, as everyone gets even distribution.
Unlocks Need to be changed. Since it takes you hours upon hours of nonstop gaming to gain a rank and a new unlock, the unlocks should be worth it. All unlocks should be able to kill within 1 or 2 hits, and be able to hit right on target. No more of this deviation ********. I worked hard to unlock this gun, let me enjoy it.
Commanders Need to have a reason to hide. When a commander is in the commander screen, I want his actual character to run around in circles shooting at the sky and screaming bloody murder. This adds new strategy to the commander role, as you will now have to think twice about where you hide.
Battlefield Recorder Is too powerful. If server admins can't control game speed, why can you? It should only be able to be played at one speed, and you should not be able to rotate the camera or have any of this 'lock on to players' crap.
Planes Are too fast. Stingers can't catch up to them fast enough, and they go from one side of the map to the other in seconds. They need to be slowed down in order to balance the game and allow other people a fair chance at taking them down.
Emoticons Need to be added to BF2. When I chat, I want people to understand how I'm feeling. A colon followed by a closed parenthases does not carry the same effect as something like :). Oh, and lot's not even go into ":cry::cry::cry: he stole my chopper! :cry::cry::cry:"
Thirst Should be eliminated. We are in the 21st century people, where is all the new technology? I mean, when you're playing, you get tired. Not only that, but you also get thirsty. I want to be able to open the menu, and have a nice fresh botte of Mountain Dew delivered to my doorstep. Or e-mailed to me, if they can finally figure that out.
Advertisements Need to be added. I'm sure that if EA made some extra revenue, they'd start thinking about giving us some good patches. I don't mind it if the flags were changed to random food logos, or the "Medic" sound was changed to "McDonalds! We love to see you smile." Hey, whatever's better for EA, right?
Sniper's Camouflage should be upgraded. You can easily notice their ghillie, and it doesn't hide them at all. When in prone, snipers should be completely invisible. This would enable them to hide and snipe from a distance, like snipers should. Plus, having knife fights among snipers would be THAT much more fun.
For those who didn't figure it out, this post is entirely sarcastic. Of course I do not mean any of the above suggestions, nor do I want to see them implemented. However, knowing the average poster, most of you guys will only read the first few lines to a paragraph, and then make a post that will be like 'omg, you suck' or 'if you hate bf2, stop playing'. We can then all laugh at you for not reading until the end.
~Salad
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