Battlefield 2 - More Magic Than World of Warcraft!
Please note this is for humour purposes only and is not a whine. Without the Battlefield magic this game would be nowhere near as fun!
Please post your additions to this thread, this post became way too long before I started running out of ideas...
- The anti-tank troops can carry five SRAW/ERYX rockets, in addition to their knife, pistol and submachine gun or DAO-12. Why don't they have hand grenades as well? I'm sure they could also fit into their magic bag of holding. This technology was borrowed from the old game "Syndicate" where you could keep eight miniguns hidden under your magic trench coat.
- Two anti-tank troops, their body armour, rockets and other equipment have no problem fitting into the cockpit of a jet or attack helicopter. Their bags of holding obviously fit nicely under the seats or in the overhead compartments.
- Medics have their "Magic Pudding" supply of medkits. The must be biological or something, since you have to wait for them to "grow" back.
- The magic medkits that can heal up any injuries instantly. Fallen from a building and broken your spine? Have a medkit!
- Medics have their magic defibrillators that can revive people to full health, regardless of their horrible, disfiguring death. Sniper bullets to the head are easily remedied by waving the defibrillators at the corpse from three metres away. Jesus had nothing on BF2's medics!
- Medics can heal fellow troops in the transport vehicles, even while shooting a minigun or driving!
- Medics can detect people’s state of health from across the map - just look at the minimap!
- Support have their "Magic Pudding" ammo bags. They are based on the same nanobots or biotechnology as medkits.
- The ammo bags somehow harness the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to provide whatever ammo type the recipient needs. From 9mm pistol ammo to TV guided missiles for your helicopter - picking up the bag and looking in it determines what type of ammunition is inside.
- Snipers can perform very little magic, apart from their magically detonated claymore mines. Maybe they got an engineer to retrofit these with infrared motion detectors or something.
- Engineer's magic spanner. It can put out fires and fix spinning rotors in airborne helicopters, patch holes in inflatable boats, reattach tank treads, rebuild broken artillery or satellite dishes. In the 1.03 patch the spanner will also make milkshakes and tone abdominal muscles.
- Special ops troops on both sides have no problem with radio interference with their remote detonators. They obviously work out a unique frequency to use before each spawn.
- Assault units have a magic “noob-toob” that fires the latest in shaped-charge grenade technology. These will protect the user against the blast from a grenade detonating directly in front of them. These grenades are activated by rapidly tapping the “Jump” key.
- Minimap. Magic or latest GPS technology - you decide!
- Magic parachutes deploy and repack themselves instantly at the touch of a button. They could be a new motorised design, but more likely new technology developed in conjunction with Mary Poppins.
- Firing one round from a clip and then reloading causes the remaining rounds and the clip to vanish into the ether. They are probably somehow are used to recompose other ammunition types inside the magic ammo bags.
- Black hawk's miniguns have unlimited ammo. Don't try to do the mass per bullet multiplied by number of rounds versus maximum lifting ability of the helicopter. The black hawks are super-powered by everyone's belief in their abilities. If anyone actually works out this figure, the black hawks will drop from the sky and explode in a cloud of logic.
- Troops have the courtesy to undress and pack their equipment and uniform into their kit bags when they die. They change into generic army uniforms to hide their nakedness while "Critically Wounded".
- Troops also manage a quick uniform change when entering some vehicles.
- A supply crate dropped from the sky can magically repair vehicles or unattended artillery guns, plus heal injured troops. Breaking open a supply crate reveals the fact they are hollow and made entirely out of papier-mache. A supply crate in motion is the most powerful weapon against infantry, even the medic’s magic defibrillators can’t help its victims! These things are just pure magic, plain and simple.
- Air units can be repaired and resupplied simply by flying/hovering over the airfield or landing pad. They don’t even need an engineer to wave their magic spanner in their direction!
Please post your additions to this thread, this post became way too long before I started running out of ideas...
- The anti-tank troops can carry five SRAW/ERYX rockets, in addition to their knife, pistol and submachine gun or DAO-12. Why don't they have hand grenades as well? I'm sure they could also fit into their magic bag of holding. This technology was borrowed from the old game "Syndicate" where you could keep eight miniguns hidden under your magic trench coat.
- Two anti-tank troops, their body armour, rockets and other equipment have no problem fitting into the cockpit of a jet or attack helicopter. Their bags of holding obviously fit nicely under the seats or in the overhead compartments.
- Medics have their "Magic Pudding" supply of medkits. The must be biological or something, since you have to wait for them to "grow" back.
- The magic medkits that can heal up any injuries instantly. Fallen from a building and broken your spine? Have a medkit!
- Medics have their magic defibrillators that can revive people to full health, regardless of their horrible, disfiguring death. Sniper bullets to the head are easily remedied by waving the defibrillators at the corpse from three metres away. Jesus had nothing on BF2's medics!
- Medics can heal fellow troops in the transport vehicles, even while shooting a minigun or driving!
- Medics can detect people’s state of health from across the map - just look at the minimap!
- Support have their "Magic Pudding" ammo bags. They are based on the same nanobots or biotechnology as medkits.
- The ammo bags somehow harness the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to provide whatever ammo type the recipient needs. From 9mm pistol ammo to TV guided missiles for your helicopter - picking up the bag and looking in it determines what type of ammunition is inside.
- Snipers can perform very little magic, apart from their magically detonated claymore mines. Maybe they got an engineer to retrofit these with infrared motion detectors or something.
- Engineer's magic spanner. It can put out fires and fix spinning rotors in airborne helicopters, patch holes in inflatable boats, reattach tank treads, rebuild broken artillery or satellite dishes. In the 1.03 patch the spanner will also make milkshakes and tone abdominal muscles.
- Special ops troops on both sides have no problem with radio interference with their remote detonators. They obviously work out a unique frequency to use before each spawn.
- Assault units have a magic “noob-toob” that fires the latest in shaped-charge grenade technology. These will protect the user against the blast from a grenade detonating directly in front of them. These grenades are activated by rapidly tapping the “Jump” key.
- Minimap. Magic or latest GPS technology - you decide!
- Magic parachutes deploy and repack themselves instantly at the touch of a button. They could be a new motorised design, but more likely new technology developed in conjunction with Mary Poppins.
- Firing one round from a clip and then reloading causes the remaining rounds and the clip to vanish into the ether. They are probably somehow are used to recompose other ammunition types inside the magic ammo bags.
- Black hawk's miniguns have unlimited ammo. Don't try to do the mass per bullet multiplied by number of rounds versus maximum lifting ability of the helicopter. The black hawks are super-powered by everyone's belief in their abilities. If anyone actually works out this figure, the black hawks will drop from the sky and explode in a cloud of logic.
- Troops have the courtesy to undress and pack their equipment and uniform into their kit bags when they die. They change into generic army uniforms to hide their nakedness while "Critically Wounded".
- Troops also manage a quick uniform change when entering some vehicles.
- A supply crate dropped from the sky can magically repair vehicles or unattended artillery guns, plus heal injured troops. Breaking open a supply crate reveals the fact they are hollow and made entirely out of papier-mache. A supply crate in motion is the most powerful weapon against infantry, even the medic’s magic defibrillators can’t help its victims! These things are just pure magic, plain and simple.
- Air units can be repaired and resupplied simply by flying/hovering over the airfield or landing pad. They don’t even need an engineer to wave their magic spanner in their direction!
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