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A Soldiers Memory.

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  • A Soldiers Memory.

    Ok, well this is the first part of my story, now i warn u in adavance that this is the first story i have ever wrote all comments and criticism is welcome to help me improve.

    Please Enjoy and Comment

    Chapter 1

    Snow fell heavily all around us, our vision was blurred, it was quite, we were alone, and on top of all that.. we were lost,
    We all learnt a very hard lesson that day.. some of us lived to tell others.. and some.. did not..
    I am now going to tell you what happened on that cold afternoon, when we believed we were alone.. but we were not.. we had been followed.. and we were going to find out soon enough..

    We had to move as fast as we could, the snow was deep and getting deeper by the second, I do not know about the others.. but I was frozen to the bone,
    We needed to find shelter and warmth soon, or we would not live to make it home..

    As we trecked through the snow, i thought i heard something behind us, i turned to see, but the snow was to thick for me to see very far,
    'It was just a rabbit' i thought to myself.. i would soon learn otherwise.
    We kept on walking, and suddenly i found it much harder to move forward.. We were climbing a hill! we may have a better view from up there and be able to find a way back,
    My spirits were high, i pushed forward as fast as i could go, i reached the top, and all my hopes vanished, it was still not very clear, but clear enough to see that there was nothing there..
    As far as the eye could see.. was snow..
    One of my fellow squadsman dropped to his knees.

    'I cant keep going.. we are never going to make it back.. we might as well sit here and wait to die..'

    The Squad Leader moved over to him, he was a great soldier, experianced, disciplined, and above else, thoughtful of the soldiers following him,

    'Come on Private' He said as he pulled the guy off the ground,
    'We will keep walking, we will keep searching, and we WILL find a way out of here'

    'Yes sir' said the soldier, he did not sound very convinced, but i had confidence in our leader, he had survived many situations, and pulled us out of many predicaments,
    And i knew, if anyone could get us out, it would be him.. if i only knew..

    So on we marched, spirits low, we all but dragged our feet behind us, but the whole time our leader held his head high and is eyes set ahead like he could see our destination just over the next rise,
    If only it had been, then maybe my story would have ended differently..



    Well.. thats what i have done so far..
    What you guys think? plz dont b to harsh xD lol

  • #2
    very nice actually if you want i might be able to make a map for this story rofl

    Comment


    • #3
      yea that could be kool mate xD

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      • #4
        hey that was great for being a first man

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        • #5
          lol thanks xD

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          • #6
            thats the worst story i've ever read. j/k.
            great stuff looking forward tto next part

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            • #7
              any tips on how i cud improve.. is this style like ok? or.. shud i try something different.

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              • #8
                You gotta remember, pretty much all stories start out slow and get better, this is only Chapter 1, Not all stories jump into the main part of the story.

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                • #9
                  The only advice I've got is about punctuation - use commas instead of two periods, or if you're going for a dramatic pause, three periods (and then... there was a dramatic pause.)\

                  Other than that, keep going!

                  -Avenger_One

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                  • #10
                    lol problem for me is that i got a kinda habit.. i just about always put .. lol

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