Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

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  • RVPilot

    #1

    Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

    I sure would like to sign up for the clearance level required to have EA tell me EXACTLY what was changed in each patch. I never saw more than about 5 items mentioned for this latest patch. None of them included the loss of crosshairs for some weapons, the apparent tweaking of accuracy for others and a whole bevy of unmentioned miscellaneous changes that have noticably changed the gameplay.

    So where do we sign up for the "Top Secret" security clearance classes which will authorize us as consumers to know just what the heck we are playing? With EA's patches, it feels like you're going to car dealer in response to a recall on your car to have the necessary fix implemented:

    You: "Exactly what will be done to my car?"
    Dealer: "It will be enhanced to save fuel"
    You: "What's the fuel economy difference going to be?"
    Dealer: "It's within the federal guidelines authorized by congress in 1999"
    You: "So how far will it supposedly go on a tank of gas?"
    Dealer: "You'll love it .... according to internal surveys."
    You: "What does that mean exactly?"
    Dealer: " According to our own studies, all the changes required to make you happy will be implemented."
    You: "What study?"
    Dealer: "Our own internal think-tank ... deemed more accurate than actual consumer surveys."
    You: "How do you know this?"
    Dealer: "So many people have bought our car that we are above questioning in this matter. It's been settled."
    You: "Can you give me an example of one of the changes made to enhance fuel economy?"
    Dealer: "Sure. We decided that putting a larger button on the radio would enhance your ability to conserve fuel."
    You: "Wow. That's strange. Any other changes?"
    Dealer: "Sorry, you do not have the security clearance required to obtain such information."
    You: "And if I refuse this "fix" ..then what?
    Dealer: "You are welcomed to refuse the fix as long as your car does not make contact with any paved road. In fact we support your decision 100%. In order to assist you in that, we have deflated all four tires. Good day."
  • [STO] Killer Dragon

    #2
    Re: Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

    lol. That made my laugh.

    Comment

    • [ak]Nuts

      #3
      Re: Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

      The following day:

      Dealer: Oh, by the way... that big new button on the radio is broke. And not only does it not work, but we broke some other parts of your car as well. But don't worry, next week we're going to give you a cool new paint job which is really want you wanted in the first place, right?

      Comment

      • Alm()nd J()y
        Member
        • Oct 2006
        • 1209

        #4
        Re: Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

        :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

        I love it!

        Comment

        • Heavy552 AWG

          #5
          Re: Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

          Customer: I still dont have a Car.

          Dealer: We have a new model coming soon. It will be the stuff of dreams!

          Customer (*Feels flushed and sweats with anxious antcipation) WOW! WHEN?

          Comment

          • Ali G

            #6
            Re: Secret Changes: Clearance Requested

            Dealer: please buy our new line of cars, they are painted red instead of black.
            Customer: but can't we just paint it ourselves instead of buying a whole new car?
            Dealer: why course you could, but as you know we control the world's paint supply, so you will have to make ur own paint.
            Customer: but we can still paint it ourselves right?
            Dealer: yup, in one condition though, you cannot drive on paved roads unless you buy our cars.

            Comment

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