You Can't Patch People

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  • Mavlyn

    #1

    You Can't Patch People

    Sometimes, I wish that EA/DICE could crawl through someone's internet connection, come out of a certain person's monitor, and be sure to scrub their brain pan with a tazer, inserted nasally.

    I got to try out the new patch. (Woot!) I played with the air-drop vehicles, and let me tell you who haven't tried, there is nothing like dropping a Vodnik on some poor sniper, then declaring, "VODDICKED!" over general chat. Guaranteed way to start a flame war...

    Anyway, after the miscreant amusement, I discovered a potent new hack in BF2. Be warned, this hack truly is terrifying to behold. It's called the "Grass Hack", otherwise known as the "High, I stood up and got capped, but I'm too much of a jackass to admit it, Hack."

    Was playing as commander, and our team folded. We were USMC in Mash, and we were fought back to our gas station. Needless to say, there was a massive sniper duel, and with most of my assets fragged, I grabbed a rifle and started shooting. Normally, I frown on combat commanders, but I had a UAV trailer up, and I knew EXACTLY where that was supposed to go.

    Anyway, I get into a shootout with some sniper, and he's good. He's hidden in a depression, covered in grass, which makes him smarter than 95% of BF2 snipers, who would be located at the very highest point of a level, silhoutted to hell and gone. However, I saw him on UAV to get the general area, and when he fired at another soldier, I saw the flash. So, I drop my crosshair onto him, wait for his head to poke over the grass... BANG.

    I was feeling pretty proud of my shooting, and then I hear over General Chat, "Someone must have a grass hack."

    Grass hack?

    Whiskey tango foxtrot.

    Yes, I have a wonderful hack, one that can be accomplished by pressing the "Low Detail" setting on my options. In fact, anyone without a 6800 GT or better is HACKING! ZOMGZ!!! (And no, I don't have my graphics turned down... I like my pretty BF2.)

    I quickly replied to him, "Well, I think you meant to say, "Good work for spotting my muzzle flash and profile in those weeds, Mavlyn." I'm going to go ahead and let you rephrase that compliment, and once you do, I will graciously accept it."

    Instead, I got swearing in response. :shock: (Yeah, that was sarcasm.) The gall of people these days!

    So, feeling not only proud of the fact that I got him, but also that I managed to flame bait his flame bait, I waited for him to come back, figuring he was the kind of nincompoop who keeps coming back to the SAME SPOT WHERE THEY DIED, hoping that it wouldn't happen again.

    I have to imagine that these people have a conversation like this with themselves:

    "BRAW! I just got shot by some noob, and I didn't even see it! I'm gonna go right back there, hope it doesn't happen again, and kick his ass, cause I'm so leet! ... DAMNIT! HACKER KILLED ME AGAIN! I'M GONNA COME BACK THERE AND REALLY KICK HIS ASS! BRAW!"

    So, as expected, he comes back, drops into his valley... and I don't shoot. Instead, I use my crosshairs to align on his chest, and then I call in a Vodnik and hide.

    I knew when it landed on him when the general chat exploded in flames.

    Not that I'm sadistic or anything.

    That was probably the most satisfying end to a play session ever, even for a grass hacker.
  • Durinthiam

    #2
    Re: You Can't Patch People

    lol great story

    Comment

    • DaveOnrefni

      #3
      Re: You Can't Patch People

      hahaha! Oh man, that's great. Can't wait for cartillery to be dropped on my head XD [Being the sniper I am]

      Comment

      • Mavlyn

        #4
        Re: You Can't Patch People

        Originally posted by DaveOnrefni
        cartillery
        BRILLIANT! I dub that the official name of attack-drops! Cartillery it shall be henceforth!

        Comment

        • Cicchetti
          Member
          • Sep 2005
          • 1073

          #5
          Re: You Can't Patch People

          Lol what a story and its so true "BRAW! I just got shot by some noob, and I didn't even see it! I'm gonna go right back there, hope it doesn't happen again, and kick his ass, cause I'm so leet! ... DAMNIT! HACKER KILLED ME AGAIN! I'M GONNA COME BACK THERE AND REALLY KICK HIS ASS! BRAW!" lmao i think the same thing everytime rofl

          Comment

          • dEaDi

            #6
            Re: You Can't Patch People

            lol, funny storey. I hate this new 'cartillery' ETF!!! but that was funny

            Comment

            • DemonOfhatred

              #7
              Re: You Can't Patch People

              That gave me a goot rofl. Thx.

              Comment

              • imported_Peter

                #8
                Re: You Can't Patch People

                *Applaud*
                LOL
                Great story

                Comment

                • CDN-SMOKEJUMPER

                  #9
                  Re: You Can't Patch People

                  Woot!

                  Comment

                  • preem

                    #10
                    Re: You Can't Patch People

                    Originally posted by Mavlyn
                    Whiskey tango foxtrot.

                    :laugh2:

                    hehehe, never heard this one, though millitary alphabet is quite common, but this is one for the ages

                    nice story btw

                    Comment

                    • PC_Judge

                      #11
                      Re: You Can't Patch People

                      This is why I scour the forums each day in work, to find a post that helps me through a crappy day at work.

                      Great story man!

                      Comment

                      • imported_SnowControl

                        #12
                        Re: You Can't Patch People

                        Brilliant story! Keep cartilling those noobies, will you?

                        Comment

                        • Hookey

                          #13
                          Re: You Can't Patch People

                          "Do Your Bit, Drop A Voidnik On A Sniper Today"

                          I particularly enjoy doing it when they're on top of the crane. The car squashes them then wobbles on the crane for a bit and falls off. Very amusing. Ridiculous, and should never have been brought in to the game of course, but its going to make Commanding so much more fun until they nerf it.

                          Comment

                          • specter

                            #14
                            Re: You Can't Patch People

                            roFl~ grass hack

                            Comment

                            • WarGimp

                              #15
                              Re: You Can't Patch People

                              Grass hack... Hmm, that's like when you take too big a toke and can't stop coughing right?

                              As for patching people... sure ya can!
                              The world needs more of these:

                              Comment

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