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Think you’re having a bad day? Beat this.
I had my worst day ever playing Battlefield last night. Of course it was Friday the 13th, what else? I’m posting this account of it, in order to give some encouragement to those players who think that all the bad luck in the game is reserved for them: trust me, it isn’t. I’ve got first dibs on it. Or at least, I sure did last night.
Here’s what happened. I go into of my favorite servers, nice low-ping good map server that usually has plenty of players: Killer Bananas. Funny name, people there are usually not uptight, just trying to have a few laughs. And it was a fun map, one where I’ve earned most of my badges, and it’s not a jet-whore festival, so there’s actually a chance for someone other than 1337pWnZ0rPiL()T69 to have some fun. Sharqi.
Now I’m an artillery magnet anyway, but things started going downhill right from the beginning on my first spawn into the map. Say hello to the world, then I’m tumbling through the air: friendly arty. Bad luck, I figure. Choose another spawn point. Get killed by enemy arty this time. OK, I’ll spawn over by the hotel, there’s nothing going on there, and I’ll walk up towards all the fun.
Bad idea. I spawn right in front of a T90, who immediately MGs me to death before I can move. Well, this is fun I think. So I spawn back into the same spot as A/T, figure I’ll tickle him with a rocket before he caps the flag. I pop up on the building beside the flag, and immediately I am doing this mile-high ragdoll, courtesy of our commander’s awesome aim with friendly artillery. Direct hit on the BlueBunny: nice TK commander! And there goes that flag.
I don’t get mad. I’m just having even worse luck than usual with artillery. Which is saying something, for me, because at least 1/3, maybe 1/2 of my overall deaths are from arty strikes or aircraft.
So I come back as Spec Ops, with a plan to blow up their arty. Grab a Vod, start driving over. Team mate runs out in front of me. I stop, beep at him, saying “get in”. He’s support: I think “Awesome – he can give me some more C4 after I blow things up, maybe we can drive down to their other base, do it again. Teamwork at last!” But no, he just stands there like he’s waiting for a crossing guard. OK.
So I slowly drive ahead, figure I’ll get him well behind me before I go flat out, but somehow the clown manages to thrown himself beneath my wheels. Of course he garnishes his idiocy with a TK punish for me. Oh this is getting awesome I think.
So I spawn again, figure I better go on foot this time. Huffing and puffing, I’m finally out by the enemy’s artillery, tossing the usual two C4s on each piece. Great, nobody saw me, now I just run over here about 10 meters away before I blow them up… When all of a sudden I’m in the middle of a storm of cannon shells: boom-boom-boom, instant TK thanks to our own chopper. I’m really having fun now. "Sorry!" Yeah, that's a great consolation. "Thanks champ". Pity it doesn't say "chump".
So I figure, while I’m lying there looking at the clouds and listening to my heartbeat, this time I’ll tell these 1337idiots in chat what I’m doing, maybe not get murdered for trying to contribute to the team’s efforts this time. Don’t even bother talking on the in-game chat, of course: each clan with their -=PwnZr=- or ~=SuK=~ tag is on their own private Vent server, so VoIP is useless as we all know by now… typing is the only way to communicate most days.
So I type in chat “I’m going to attack their assets.” And the screen freezes… goes to black. wtf?
“You’ve been kicked by punkbuster. Banned word: ASS*”
Truly an oh-emm-gee moment, and I just had to laugh. So I learned that you don’t ever dare say “assets” or “assault” or even “assistance” in Killer Bananas. Good to know.
So as I browsed the server listing, I figured by now, surely my bad luck for Friday the 13th has been all used up, right? Gotta be.
So I go to another server. Map was Dalian, and here I am spawning in as Chinese. Always spawn onto the losing side in a new server – it’s one of those unwritten rules of BF2. But it’s all good, because I like hearing their chatter, and since they’re losing, I’ll just go as a medic and run around helping people. And maybe heal myself too, the way things are going tonight.
So I choose the first spawn outside of the Chinese main base, the one with the helo pad. I pop into the world, and there’s one of my team mates. He immediately hoses me down with his G36. TK. Wow. No option to punish, of course. So I ask in chat if there’s an admin. 2 minutes later, one finally pipes up. I tell him I’ve been TKed, ask if he’s going to do anything. No response, of course. Admins never respond except to kick you when kill one of their ~-=^(0%7@$3)^=-~ tagged clan members, as you all know.
So I spawn back in. Game puts me in the same area. Enemy arty blows me to bits in a nanosecond. Spawn in again, game puts me over to the side, safer area I think. No such luck. Enemy chopper is spinning around 2 feet off the ground, and of course I pop into being right in front of him. Boom-boom another visit to the kit selection screen. Try it yet again, surely my luck’s gotta change? Friendly arty TKs me. Lovely. I'm really having fun now.
So I spawn back at the main Chinese base. Nobody’s around, of course. Commander’s face down in a bunker yelling at himself, as always. Other team mates? They're on their own Vent servers, in their own locked squads, having their own little experiences.
So I go over and grab a chopper, the transport one that nobody ever uses to actually transport a squad into battle… heaven forbid it’s used as anything but a one-man taxi. So I'm flying down the valley, and Wham! Enemy artillery strike takes me out in the air. I mean, seriously. Mid-air. This is getting insane. Thankfully, the round ends. We lose, of course.
Our team gets switched to the US side. This is gonna be fun, because we all know how a crappy team will get abso-effing-lutely spanked when they're US on Dalian.
No choice but to spawn on the carrier, and figure I’ll ride along in a BH, drop in and help cap a flag. BTW – joining squads makes no difference to teamwork on this and so many other servers… yeah I often join, but does the leader lead? Get real. Does the leader use chat or VoIP to talk to his squad members? Are you kidding? So it’s just ride along with your squad, and hope they don’t do anything too amazingly stupid or TK you.
Long story short: we ride to the shore, and of course just as we’re about to land, a Chinese fighter comes out of nowhere and one-shots us with a missle, grabbing another 6 kills towards his expert sniper badge, but that’s a whole separate rant…
We spawn again on the carrier. The Chinese fighter flattens us all. Spawn again. Enemy arty flattens us all. Spawn again, down below, figure I'll take a boat this time.
Brm brm brm halfway to shore, this is going well. But then, sure enough, here comes a Chinese attack helo, right for me, and of course he can’t wait to blow me up. His gunner sucks, so I'm still alive, yeah! Getting closer to the shore all the time. Does the helo pilot go for the 17 easy kills standing around on the deck of the carrier? Hell no - he comes back and chases me, of course. Fires all his rockets, the sea's exploding, the red bars are flashing, I'm almost to shore... then it's the artillery again. Yes. Yet another TK by our genius of a commander.
No choice but spawning back on the carrier again. I go back up top, figure maybe I’ll get lucky and get a chance to gun for a Cobra pilot. Walk onto deck just as one genius on our side decides it’s brilliant fun to get into the Goalkeeper and start TKing everybody waiting for the choppers. More looking at the sky while listening to my heartbeat. I even try an airplane... Chinese pilot flattens me before I've even F9ed the cockpit away, not even rolling yet. Wheee!
Finally we get a spawn point on shore, somehow. The one with the helo pad. I select it, and immediately get killed by friendly arty because there’s an enemy chopper hovering our flag. Nice work, commander... kill everyone on the ground who's fighting for the flag, and of course the helo just smokes a little, buzzes off, and is back in 20 seconds to rape another dozen players. Gotta get that expert sniper badge, after all.
So now I spawn back to the carrier, grab a seat in a BH, actually get dropped onto the shore like somebody is playing as though we were all on a team and we’re actually trying to win, or least survive for more than 10 seconds. Hey and there’s a Cobra, pilot spinning it up, no gunner yet. Cool. I sprint over, and get G36ed from behind as I’m about to get in. Again, no TK punish option for us. Awesome fun, this Battlefield stuff. Have fun getting that expert sniper badge while shooting TV missiles in a chopper, my friend. Can't wait to see it in your sig.
But we’ve got a spawn point on shore, so everything’s cool. Right? Ha. Start running out of our spawn, random friendly arty kills me yet again. Like the 277th time this night. Five, six, seven straight losses in a row. 13 deaths in a row. I sign off. It's either that, or take a Glock to my screen, and I like my computer, so I sign off and figure I'll rant it online.
What a Friday the 13th.
Can anybody out there beat that run of sh*t-a$$ed luck?
I had my worst day ever playing Battlefield last night. Of course it was Friday the 13th, what else? I’m posting this account of it, in order to give some encouragement to those players who think that all the bad luck in the game is reserved for them: trust me, it isn’t. I’ve got first dibs on it. Or at least, I sure did last night.
Here’s what happened. I go into of my favorite servers, nice low-ping good map server that usually has plenty of players: Killer Bananas. Funny name, people there are usually not uptight, just trying to have a few laughs. And it was a fun map, one where I’ve earned most of my badges, and it’s not a jet-whore festival, so there’s actually a chance for someone other than 1337pWnZ0rPiL()T69 to have some fun. Sharqi.
Now I’m an artillery magnet anyway, but things started going downhill right from the beginning on my first spawn into the map. Say hello to the world, then I’m tumbling through the air: friendly arty. Bad luck, I figure. Choose another spawn point. Get killed by enemy arty this time. OK, I’ll spawn over by the hotel, there’s nothing going on there, and I’ll walk up towards all the fun.
Bad idea. I spawn right in front of a T90, who immediately MGs me to death before I can move. Well, this is fun I think. So I spawn back into the same spot as A/T, figure I’ll tickle him with a rocket before he caps the flag. I pop up on the building beside the flag, and immediately I am doing this mile-high ragdoll, courtesy of our commander’s awesome aim with friendly artillery. Direct hit on the BlueBunny: nice TK commander! And there goes that flag.
I don’t get mad. I’m just having even worse luck than usual with artillery. Which is saying something, for me, because at least 1/3, maybe 1/2 of my overall deaths are from arty strikes or aircraft.
So I come back as Spec Ops, with a plan to blow up their arty. Grab a Vod, start driving over. Team mate runs out in front of me. I stop, beep at him, saying “get in”. He’s support: I think “Awesome – he can give me some more C4 after I blow things up, maybe we can drive down to their other base, do it again. Teamwork at last!” But no, he just stands there like he’s waiting for a crossing guard. OK.
So I slowly drive ahead, figure I’ll get him well behind me before I go flat out, but somehow the clown manages to thrown himself beneath my wheels. Of course he garnishes his idiocy with a TK punish for me. Oh this is getting awesome I think.
So I spawn again, figure I better go on foot this time. Huffing and puffing, I’m finally out by the enemy’s artillery, tossing the usual two C4s on each piece. Great, nobody saw me, now I just run over here about 10 meters away before I blow them up… When all of a sudden I’m in the middle of a storm of cannon shells: boom-boom-boom, instant TK thanks to our own chopper. I’m really having fun now. "Sorry!" Yeah, that's a great consolation. "Thanks champ". Pity it doesn't say "chump".
So I figure, while I’m lying there looking at the clouds and listening to my heartbeat, this time I’ll tell these 1337idiots in chat what I’m doing, maybe not get murdered for trying to contribute to the team’s efforts this time. Don’t even bother talking on the in-game chat, of course: each clan with their -=PwnZr=- or ~=SuK=~ tag is on their own private Vent server, so VoIP is useless as we all know by now… typing is the only way to communicate most days.
So I type in chat “I’m going to attack their assets.” And the screen freezes… goes to black. wtf?
“You’ve been kicked by punkbuster. Banned word: ASS*”
Truly an oh-emm-gee moment, and I just had to laugh. So I learned that you don’t ever dare say “assets” or “assault” or even “assistance” in Killer Bananas. Good to know.
So as I browsed the server listing, I figured by now, surely my bad luck for Friday the 13th has been all used up, right? Gotta be.
So I go to another server. Map was Dalian, and here I am spawning in as Chinese. Always spawn onto the losing side in a new server – it’s one of those unwritten rules of BF2. But it’s all good, because I like hearing their chatter, and since they’re losing, I’ll just go as a medic and run around helping people. And maybe heal myself too, the way things are going tonight.
So I choose the first spawn outside of the Chinese main base, the one with the helo pad. I pop into the world, and there’s one of my team mates. He immediately hoses me down with his G36. TK. Wow. No option to punish, of course. So I ask in chat if there’s an admin. 2 minutes later, one finally pipes up. I tell him I’ve been TKed, ask if he’s going to do anything. No response, of course. Admins never respond except to kick you when kill one of their ~-=^(0%7@$3)^=-~ tagged clan members, as you all know.
So I spawn back in. Game puts me in the same area. Enemy arty blows me to bits in a nanosecond. Spawn in again, game puts me over to the side, safer area I think. No such luck. Enemy chopper is spinning around 2 feet off the ground, and of course I pop into being right in front of him. Boom-boom another visit to the kit selection screen. Try it yet again, surely my luck’s gotta change? Friendly arty TKs me. Lovely. I'm really having fun now.
So I spawn back at the main Chinese base. Nobody’s around, of course. Commander’s face down in a bunker yelling at himself, as always. Other team mates? They're on their own Vent servers, in their own locked squads, having their own little experiences.
So I go over and grab a chopper, the transport one that nobody ever uses to actually transport a squad into battle… heaven forbid it’s used as anything but a one-man taxi. So I'm flying down the valley, and Wham! Enemy artillery strike takes me out in the air. I mean, seriously. Mid-air. This is getting insane. Thankfully, the round ends. We lose, of course.
Our team gets switched to the US side. This is gonna be fun, because we all know how a crappy team will get abso-effing-lutely spanked when they're US on Dalian.
No choice but to spawn on the carrier, and figure I’ll ride along in a BH, drop in and help cap a flag. BTW – joining squads makes no difference to teamwork on this and so many other servers… yeah I often join, but does the leader lead? Get real. Does the leader use chat or VoIP to talk to his squad members? Are you kidding? So it’s just ride along with your squad, and hope they don’t do anything too amazingly stupid or TK you.
Long story short: we ride to the shore, and of course just as we’re about to land, a Chinese fighter comes out of nowhere and one-shots us with a missle, grabbing another 6 kills towards his expert sniper badge, but that’s a whole separate rant…
We spawn again on the carrier. The Chinese fighter flattens us all. Spawn again. Enemy arty flattens us all. Spawn again, down below, figure I'll take a boat this time.
Brm brm brm halfway to shore, this is going well. But then, sure enough, here comes a Chinese attack helo, right for me, and of course he can’t wait to blow me up. His gunner sucks, so I'm still alive, yeah! Getting closer to the shore all the time. Does the helo pilot go for the 17 easy kills standing around on the deck of the carrier? Hell no - he comes back and chases me, of course. Fires all his rockets, the sea's exploding, the red bars are flashing, I'm almost to shore... then it's the artillery again. Yes. Yet another TK by our genius of a commander.
No choice but spawning back on the carrier again. I go back up top, figure maybe I’ll get lucky and get a chance to gun for a Cobra pilot. Walk onto deck just as one genius on our side decides it’s brilliant fun to get into the Goalkeeper and start TKing everybody waiting for the choppers. More looking at the sky while listening to my heartbeat. I even try an airplane... Chinese pilot flattens me before I've even F9ed the cockpit away, not even rolling yet. Wheee!
Finally we get a spawn point on shore, somehow. The one with the helo pad. I select it, and immediately get killed by friendly arty because there’s an enemy chopper hovering our flag. Nice work, commander... kill everyone on the ground who's fighting for the flag, and of course the helo just smokes a little, buzzes off, and is back in 20 seconds to rape another dozen players. Gotta get that expert sniper badge, after all.
So now I spawn back to the carrier, grab a seat in a BH, actually get dropped onto the shore like somebody is playing as though we were all on a team and we’re actually trying to win, or least survive for more than 10 seconds. Hey and there’s a Cobra, pilot spinning it up, no gunner yet. Cool. I sprint over, and get G36ed from behind as I’m about to get in. Again, no TK punish option for us. Awesome fun, this Battlefield stuff. Have fun getting that expert sniper badge while shooting TV missiles in a chopper, my friend. Can't wait to see it in your sig.
But we’ve got a spawn point on shore, so everything’s cool. Right? Ha. Start running out of our spawn, random friendly arty kills me yet again. Like the 277th time this night. Five, six, seven straight losses in a row. 13 deaths in a row. I sign off. It's either that, or take a Glock to my screen, and I like my computer, so I sign off and figure I'll rant it online.
What a Friday the 13th.
Can anybody out there beat that run of sh*t-a$$ed luck?
poor u, but i giggled when punkbuster kicked you for say ass in assets:laugh:, PB is far too tight regarding things like that
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